Maxim Magazine Names Madonna Unsexiest Vegetarian

Maxim magazine today announced its annual list of "The Five Unsexiest Vegetarians Alive." The results, which will be published in the next edition of the men's magazine, offered few surprises. Topping the list for her "dessicated, dried out, and tough appearance" is grandmotherly pop singer, Madonna. "The irony is that Guy Ritchie likened making love to Madonna to 'cuddling up to a piece of gristle,'" said Rochel DeBeers, a magazine spokesman. "Well, she may cuddle like tough stringy animal tissue, but she really is a vegetarian."

Following Madonna are forgotten sitcom actress Lisa Bonet, rapidly aging musician Sir Paul McCartney ("you don't have to eat beef jerky to look like it," the magazine quipped), indie irrelevancy Fiona Apple, and retired film actress Daryl Hannah.