Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Somewhere Over Kansas George Bush Realizes Obama's Speech Was About Him

It was not until late in the flight that took former President George W. Bush from Washington to Texas that Bush realized newly sworn-in President Barack Obama's inauguration speech was a complete repudiation of his policies, actions, and management style and one which placed the blame for the nation's current state of emergency squarely in the ex-President's lap. Aides to Bush say that in the middle of a card game of Hearts, Bush turned to a traveling companion and asked, in a state of disbelief, "Hey, was Obama saying the mess we're in is because of me?" When the
answer was affirmative, Bush appeared thunderstruck. "Does anybody else think that?," Bush reportedly asked a moment later. When told that more than 80% of Americans agreed with Obama's assessment, Bush became somber and withdrawn, cheering up only when someone raised the prospect of a visit to Bush's favorite Mexican restaurant, Holy Guacamole, a Houston institution. "Nachos!" Bush said. "That's the ticket!"

Sunday, January 18, 2009

CNN's Nancy Grace Renames Twins Caylee And Anthony

In a bid to boost ratings, CNN anchor Nancy Grace reportedly has decided to rename her one-year-old twins Caylee and Anthony in honor of murdered toddler, Caylee Anthony. Grace's infants, who were born prematurely, were originally named Lucy Elizabeth and John David.

"Nancy is dead set on riding the Caylee gravy train to the end. And competition from her rival Jane Velez Mitchell is really making her feel the heat," one CNN insider said.

Grace's nanny, Yrma Gonzalez, reports that the twins don't mind the name change one bit. "They don't even know their names yet," Gonzalez said. "And they're used to hearing Nancy repeat 'Caylee Anthony , Caylee Anthony, Caylee Anthony' day and night anyway."

Victoria Beckham's Breasts Collapse

Victoria Beckham, a.k.a. Posh Spice, suffers a boob collapse in London, Paris, and New York. Husband David postponed his soccer match to oversee the repair work.

Related Stories: Trapped In Hell With Victoria Beckham