Brits Go Mad As Michelle Obama Touches Queen Elizabeth II

First Lady Michelle Obama committed a giant faux pas on the first couple's trip to England when she actually touched Queen Elizabeth II. "That was a major no no," said a source close to the Queen. "We work very hard to maintain our reputation of being drab, sexless, and cold, and hardly anyone touches anyone, let alone the Queen."

The repercussions for Mrs. Obama could be tragic. "We used to put Queen touchers in the stockade," said the source. "But nowadays, we just feed them a typical British meal of boiled meat and leeks -- believe me, it's just as bad."