Naomi Campbell Arrested In London, New York, Los Angeles

Model and actress Naomi Campbell was arrested at London's Heathrow Airport yesterday for allegedly spitting at a police officer. After being booked and released, Campbell flew to New York where she was arrested again during a plane change for spitting at a flight attendant. Booked and released for a second time, the supermodel continued on to Los Angeles, where she was arrested after disembarking for spitting at a baggage handler. "After the two previous arrests, Naomi was very tired," her publicist said. "She simply didn't have the energy to spit at anyone in a position of authority. The baggage handler was closest, so she aimed at him."

In January, 2007, Campbell pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor assault for throwing a cellphone at her maid's head in a dispute over a missing pair of jeans. The jeans were never found.

Seinfeld Will Sue Himself After Car Crash

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, who narrowly escaped injury when the brakes on his vintage Fiat failed yesterday, will file a multi-million dollar lawsuit against himself, a source close to Seinfeld said. "Jerry was very lucky not to be killed in that crash," the insider said. "He's furious that he allowed himself to fix the brakes of the car. He should have brought that Fiat to a professional -- it's simple negligence."

Seinfeld, who earned a fortune when his sitcom went into syndication, isn't filing the suit for the money, the source said. "Jerry thinks if he sues himself, he'll learn a lesson that can't be measured in dollars. He needs to recognize his responsibilities -- unlike Kramer, who sued himself in Season Five just for laughs."

Apple Eugenics: Has Steve Jobs Gone Too Far?

Is Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs really trying to create a better world by inserting Macintosh code into the human gene pool? The jury is still out, but all signs are leading to one inescapable conclusion.

The first genetically modified iBaby showed up last year, bearing a distinctive apple-shaped birthmark. Since then, more than a hundred babies bearing a similar Macintosh logo have been sighted at hospital maternity wards, the majority in Silicon Valley. "It's unclear at this point if Jobs is trying to create a superior race or simply trying to produce out-of-the-womb brand-loyal consumers," said Murray Horowitz, head of the Vassar Institute of Anthropology, Human Heredity, and Eugenics. "We're going to be keeping a close eye on this one."

Coty To Rename Parker Fragrance

Still reeling after a Maxim magazine poll named her the "unsexiest woman alive," Sarah Jessica Parker yesterday was dealt another devastating blow. Coty, maker of the Sex and the City star's perfume, "Lovely," has decided to rename the fragrance. Sources say the new name has yet to be chosen, but top contenders include "Homely," "Repellant, and "Utterly Hideous."

Ultimate Blow For Hil: Bill Clinton Endorses Obama

Former First Lady Hillary Clinton weathered what campaign insiders call "the ultimate blow" earlier today when her husband, Bill Clinton, announced his endorsement of Barack Obama. "God knows I'd like to live anywhere but Westchester, but this just isn't going anywhere," the President said.

Still reeling from Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey's endorsement of her rival yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is said to be maintaining a remarkably upbeat demeanor. "She's been listening to that Bobby Mcferrin song all day," an aide said, referring to the singer's 1988 hit "Don't Worry Be Happy." Asked by reporters if she might now finally step aside, Clinton just smiled broadly and said "wild horses couldn't drag me out of this campaign."